Greece has waited since 1974 to win this contest, and Helena Paparizou finally won the contest on her second attempt. Since the 2005 final overran was very significant, the EBU had to think of a way to reduce the running time. Their solution was simple: the spokespeople would no longer present all of the points - but only the 8, 10 and 12 points. This was both a good and a bad change, but more on that later. It definitely helped the runtime, though, especially with 38 countries voting this year. Also, Austria, Hungary and Serbia and Montenegro withdrew, but Armenia joined, leaving us with 37 entries. Huh? What? There were 37 entries, but 38 voting countries? Yes! Since Serbia and Montenegro withdrew just a couple days before the show, they retained their right to vote, which was the first time votes from a non-participating country were taken into account.
Someone actually archived the semifinal with Russian commentary, which is what I’ll be watching it with. Still, it’s a pretty poor VHS rip, so I’ll be using a high-quality copy without commentary as well.
As the format stayed the same for this year, there isn’t much to talk about. Well, except for the opening act, which shows some classic Eurovision songs performed by Greek gods and other mythological figures. While this is pure fan bait, I’m a fan, and this kind of bait works for me (not all the time, though). In the end, as Love Shine a Light begins, our hosts (Maria Menounos and Sakis Rouvas) join in before welcoming us all to Eurovision and Athens (by shouting at us at the top of their lungs). After some more fairly standard things in the introduction, we move to the 23 songs taking part tonight (13 of which I’ll review in this section as they won’t qualify).
I feel like even if the running order was made by producers, this entry still would’ve been put in second. It’s just the typical chanceless entry they try to use to prop up other entries. But that doesn’t mean it’s by any means bad. I actually quite like the instrumentation here, and it has a very nice flow. But it’s just entirely forgettable - I had to replay it again to come up with some positive things to say about it. At least I don’t have any criticisms for it either, so there’s that.
Ok, this is actually a bit of fun. It might be a very standard song, and I don’t feel bad for its NQ, but at least it’s kinda decent. It starts off like a ballad and then switches to Eurodance. While it’s far from a keeper for me, it isn’t that bad either, and in a parallel world where Stop got the recognition it deserved, this would’ve been directly in the final.
It’s the third year that Andorra has taken part, and guess what? I feel sorry for them for not qualifying because it’s actually quite interesting, at least to me. I really enjoy the interplay between the slow and mysterious verses and the more rocky and upfront chorus. Plus, she’s a good singer, despite not being a professional (those vocal lessons she took in Barcelona before the show clearly paid off - this fact is courtesy of the Russian commentators).
But it’s clearly one of the worst staging fails ever. There’s just nothing I can praise here - it’s bad, no matter how you look at it. First of all, her dress is extremely ugly and unflattering. But the backing dancers are even worse, as they’re only wearing their underwear, which puts me off even more. The interpretive dancing just weirds me out, and the fact that they’ve got regular dining chairs on the stage is hilarious - but not in a good way. Not only doesn’t it come together in the first place, but it falls apart even more once you continue watching. Still, since I usually listen to the studio cut, I don’t have to experience the staging very often.
You just have to love Belarus in Eurovision. They just don’t care about following some sort of format or template. It’s their third appearance, and they’ve sent three entirely different songs (and will continue not having a coherent identity afterwards). This time, they decided to try a rock song with a pretty decent composition. Granted, I can’t tell what she’s singing at all, but I can’t say I care all that much since I can just pretend she’s singing in a language I don’t know (or a conlang - which would make it the best song in a conlang this year).
Albania is finally singing in Albanian, and unlike these days, it hasn’t brought them much success since they failed to qualify. But I actually think this is pretty good! It has a very good structure. From the slow instrumental intro to nice mysterious verses to an energetic chorus, it all just comes together. And it’s topped off with a very nice traditional Albanian instrumentation fused with some contemporary sound. I definitely find this to be very enjoyable. It even has a relatively memorable hook - its title - which actually does get stuck in my mind despite being in Albanian.
Still, I also think it’s a bit lacking - there’s just something missing from here. I’ve been trying to put it into words for a while, and I just can’t point to anything specific. It just feels too reserved - it just needed more of that ever-elusive something. Since I’m not a musician (or even someone with any grounding in musical theory - I just like listening to music), I won’t give any specific advice. But, as I said, it’s a good song.
Also, would it have killed him to dress more appropriately for the occasion? It’s a worldwide musical festival, not a dinner with your sister. Just ditch the jeans and wear something less casual. And the same goes for his backing singers.
One last thing. As a native speaker of both Russian and Ukrainian, my ears immediately grip on the word “zjarr” and the way he pronounces it with a “zh” sound (I’m too lazy to break out the IPA keyboard, so just bear with me). To me, it sounds extremely close to the word “жар”, which means heat. Investigating it a bit further, it seems that both are derived from the same Proto-Indo-European root, but the Albanian word just means fire. So even a language that seems as unapproachable as Albanian still has some cognates for your brain to recognise.
Despite the French title, this song is fully in English, just with the phrase “je t’adore” repeated throughout. Clearly, Flanders decided that ballads didn’t cut it after last year’s result and decided to go for something more upbeat and fun. And you know, I’m glad they did. Sure, it’s very standard and by-the-numbers, but sometimes that’s exactly what you need. Even though it might seem like I’m anti-pop, I’m really not. I enjoy a lot of pop songs - I just need to find them interesting. I think what attracts me here is how simple but catchy the melody is. But it’s also elaborate enough to stimulate my brain a bit, especially with those string sweeps, which I just love. But I just feel like she isn’t energetic enough, she doesn’t sell it to me with her performance. I don’t want to get up and dance with her, which is my main criterion (look at me, properly declining latinates) for judging dance songs.
It also has a fairly memorable performance with the glowing microphones and the backing dancers going all in on the camp. It’s definitely well thought-out, but it’s a little too much. As with many entries this decade, the delegation followed the idea that more equals better and threw everything in here. It really would’ve benefitted from more focus. Maybe cut the backing dancers making an arch around her with the microphones, or maybe lose the glowing microphones entirely. And she definitely should’ve been styled differently - that dress is a pure crime against fashion.
After her performance, the Russian commentators said that she had listened to all songs in the competition and her favourites were the ones from Sweden, Romania, Turkey, Russia, Ukraine and Poland.
It’s certainly not a terrible song, but it’s also far from good. For the most part, I just get bored by her trying her best to shout over the backing track, it rarely impresses me. It’s a very technical performance, with not a shred of emotional connection backing it, which means it doesn’t interest me at all, not even enough to say anything more.
This is almost enjoyable. At least, it has all of the hallmarks of a dumb fun entry you can just vibe to. Unfortunately, they completely bungled it up and ended up making something completely not fun at all. It feels like everyone here was paid money to pretend like they’re having fun. It just has that plasticky, insincere atmosphere you see in an advert or on a reality show. Plus, none of them can sing, and they all can’t sing in their own special way, so the parts where they try to harmonise truly make my ears bleed. Songs like these make me really glad there’s a three-minute rule in Eurovision.
This is one of the first “ensemble” performances: there are lots of vocalists on stage (or off stage walking among the audience), and they all take turns singing, and then they all harmonise for the chorus. This trope usually annoys me to no end since it all sounds disjointed, annoying and disharmonious. But you know what, this works for me enough that I actually don’t dislike it. In fact, I think it works very charmingly here.
I also think the melody is fairly enjoyable too (kinda, but let me explain why I enjoy it first). While it’s fairly average Europop, it just clicks with me for some reason. It builds up in waves: we start with very simple rapped verses, then there’s a pre-chorus (in Polish after the first verse, but in German after the second verse), which is obviously followed by the chorus (at first, in English, then in Russian and in English again right afterwards). But that’s this song’s biggest downfall, too: when it goes back to the verse, it doesn’t change anything - it’s just the same song repeated again, but with the languages changed up. While that does create a superficial sense of progression, the part of my brain that always focuses on the instrumental too much sees right through this deception. In essence, this is just one 1.5-minute long song repeated twice, but the second part swaps the languages. If you remember my review of Belgium’s 1975 entry, you’ll know that it’s one of my least favourite tropes, which sinks this entry down in my rankings considerably.
It’s also one of the ugliest stagings ever. It passes by the “fun campy” mark and goes straight into the “insufferably campy” territory. First of all, the outfits are ghastly and win my Barbara Dex award of the night. They’re so bulky and golden, which is absolutely terrible. The masks are so off-putting as well, and they don’t even add anything. I have no idea what the idea behind that was. The male lead’s antics also annoy me, with him grabbing one of the female leads, hugging her, putting his head on her stomach - yes, I know, she was pregnant, it still puts me off - ugh. I’m sure they thought it was cute, but it really wasn’t. Though Europe was clearly mostly convinced as this came the closest to qualifying by a margin of just six points.
Of the three Eurovision entries in a conlang, this is easily the worst one. While it’s a bit of fun, and the girls are clearly enjoying their performance a lot, this time, the conlang does feel like a gimmick. Unlike Sanomi, which had a song that was designed to give an impression of an elaborate language, this is just very repetitive. Although I have to give credit where credit is due, this conlang still feels like a real language. This time, it feels like something vaguely African, though I wouldn’t be able to pinpoint it more exactly as I’m about as far from an expert on African languages as one can get. It’s honestly a fair effort, but it just leaves me wanting more, something better, something less messy. Though these women executed a fun, summery kind of entry way better than the singers from Monaco, that’s for sure. At least they can sing and harmonise with each other.
What’s the most fun thing about this song? It’s obvious when one of the singers starts singing the chorus too early. If it wasn’t for this, I would’ve forgotten it within about five seconds after it finished. Thankfully, this makes it stick in my mind for about thirty seconds instead. And can you blame me? This is very plain and uninteresting. While I do enjoy schlager, it needs to either be adorably cheesy or an actual fair attempt, but this is neither. It’s a very by-the-numbers repetitive bore. While I would’ve guessed that this was something they just bought from Swedes, there were actually no Swedes involved with this, so I’ll give it just this tiny bit of credit. Also, the singers can actually sing into their microphones and don’t sound out of breath every second of the performance, so they’ve already outdone the previous Portuguese entrants. In general, this is Portugal’s best entry since the introduction of the semifinal, as it’s just boring instead of outright bad.
Another hilarious fact brought to you by the Russian commentators: Sandra has taken part in a competition of impersonators for… Carola, who performed just before her in the semifinal. She even got second place in that competition. You just have to love coincidences like this.
I actually really enjoy this song. Of all the non-qualifiers, this is my favourite one. It’s pure joy and fun, it’s performed really well and it actually is an example of schlager I really like. Estonia out-Swedened Sweden this year, and they did this without involving any Swedish composers or songwriters.
Even from the very start, you know you’re in for a very fun time once you hear those guitar riffs. Unlike a lot of songs I like, it doesn’t really have a lot of buildup or anything like that, but it doesn’t really need it. This is the kind of song that sweeps you up in its energy and makes you forget about bad things for a while (Portugal’s entry promised this but never actually delivered). She harmonises really well with her backing singers, the matching outfits actually work and the way three of her five backing singers walk on stage to dance with her after the key change is the fun kind of cheesy that I enjoy.
But that’s not to say it’s totally uninteresting musically because it actually kinda is. I especially appreciate the bells during the chorus, I believe I’ve mentioned before that bells are my weak spot and it’s an easy way to make me enjoy a song a little more. And the guitars give it a very mild rockish vibe, which is a nice twist on the schlager formula.
I often listen to this when I feel a bit meh, it never fails to lift up my mood. Perhaps this is another reason why I’m a little biased for it - I’ve just become too familiar with it over the years.
Right, it’s this song. This is the review I was dreading the most because I usually either have clear thoughts about a song, which makes writing a review easy, even if they end up being 900 words long, or I have no thoughts at all, in which I case I just bang out about 100 words and move on. This is one of the few songs I have a lot of conflicting thoughts about. So let me lay them all out in order and then conclude if I think it’s a useless load of rubbish that brings contest into disrepute or a valid piece of music.
Let’s start with the positives first. It’s genuinely composed well. The melody is snappy and energetic. While it does lack progression a bit, this isn’t the kind of song I’d expect to have a lot of complex progression anyway, so I’m fine with that. Instead, it has a very nice flow to it. Unlike with a lot of songs, it doesn’t feel like the verses and choruses are just separate things since they all flow in and out of each other really well. In addition to this, the chorus is genuinely sticky. I sometimes find myself humming it completely out of the blue (and when someone asks me what I was humming, I have to evade the question because I don’t want anyone to know that I listen to music like this). So, the composition gets a thumbs up from me.
Another part of this that’s designed really well is the staging and the performance in general. Sure, it might look a bit overstaged, but since it’s taking the piss out of the contest, it fits, especially since a lot of other entries were overstaged as well. It was definitely intentional, they knew what they were doing here. Everything that happens on stage feels deliberate and thought-out. But more than that, it actually feels fun. Sure, it’s chaotic, and some of her antics feel annoying, but she manages to just barely strike the balance between annoying and funny. My favourite part has to be her pretending to call God, she just doesn’t care about norms at all and I find that to be a good thing. Also, just the sheer nerve she has to say, “I love you, thank you for loving me back”, after her performance under the heaviest booing I’ve ever heard at Eurovision (and I actually went to Eurovision 2024 in-person) is praiseworthy too.
So, what are the negatives? Well, the singing is a mixed bag. Her backing singers are legitimately good, and she has some good parts when she’s actually singing (for example, the choruses). It actually sounds like proper music then. Sadly, these parts are pretty infrequent. For most of the performance, she screeches in the most insufferable voice ever, which makes me want to tear my ears off. And I just can’t prepare myself for it either, it always manages to catch me off-guard.
Additionally, she apparently bullied and belittled the production staff and the journalists behind the scenes. And while that’s supposed to be “funny” and “ironic”, it actually makes me lose all of my respect for her. You aren’t a queen, lady, so behave yourself.
In the end, I don’t think it’s absolutely horrible on all levels, but there are enough bad parts here to heavily weigh it down for me from the upper tiers of entries. But it also isn’t enough for me to have it anywhere close to the bottom of this year, either.
I find it hilarious that the camera crew had to do an extended shot of the audience so that the stagehands would have time to tear down the props, so they had to capture all of the overwhelming booing she received. Karma’s a bitch, as they say.
Also, here’s a fun fact: she voiced Elsa in the Icelandic dub of Frozen and sang the Icelandic version of Let It Go. Even more interestingly, she’s done a cover of Calm After The Storm (the 2014 entry for the Netherlands) in Icelandic, which might be of interest to one of my commenters (wink-wink). In my opinion, this proves that she’s a legitimately good singer and just chose to use her talent to shitpost (but not necessarily in a good way).
This semifinal was a rather mixed bag, in my opinion. There were plenty of good and bad entries, but the draw felt absolutely terrible since very few entries flowed properly. While I’m about as far from a proponent for a producer-made running order, it would’ve heavily improved the experience of watching this semifinal (and the final too, it has some proper rubbish entries drawn one right after the other).
Continuing the short-lived tradition introduced in 2005, two Olympic golden medalists opened the televoting. To take up some time, Sakis sang a song which mostly consisted of the phrase “I’m in love with you”, which got old really quickly. The actual interval act was a fun dance number, which can never go amiss in Eurovision. While it felt a little typical for this era’s contests, I wouldn’t call it standard. Greece still managed to put its own twist on this to make it stand out from other interval acts of this type.
I know this is going to sound weird since I know which countries qualified pretty much by heart, but I still found the qualifier reveal sequence to be fairly exciting, especially because they created some additional suspense by passing the envelopes through a chain of actual people. I nodded in approval for Russian, shook my head at North Macedonia’s reveal, cheered when Bosnia, Finland and Ukraine qualified, laughed when Lithuania came up (and the booing from the audience), smiled at Ireland (they felt completely chanceless, but Europe clearly connected with the song and performance), but I went so wild over Armenia’s qualification. It was a great debut and a well-deserved qualification. While I was disappointed about Estonia, Andorra and Albania not qualifying, I knew that it was coming (obviously, I’ve seen this year several times before), so I wasn’t disappointed at all. All of the qualifiers revealed that they felt well-deserved, and I can only blame the single semifinal system for the robberies that happened.
Two days after the semifinals (and about five minutes later for me), the final began. It started off with one of my least favourite opening acts: an operatic ballad with vaguely inspirational lyrics about coming together. At least it was staged really coolly. Thankfully, our hosts broke up the monotony by welcoming us and Helena reprising My Number One after that (the added backing dancers are really good and show that the limit of six people isn’t strictly good).
This time around, I’ll be watching it with Belarusian commentary (still in Russian, but broadcast in Belarus). The quality fo the recording is really good, so I only expect to need the HQ copy to see stuff they skipped over for ads. I hope the Belarusian commentators are good.
I’m very eager to get on with the songs (well, not all of them), so I’ll just leave the intro at this.
If you know me, you should be able to guess that I hate this song. It’s highly irritating on every level, so I’m going to have a lot of fun going into detail on why. That should make up for the suffering I had to go through while listening to this.
First of all, it’s an ensemble-style performance. They all take turns singing, and they all sound annoying. Granted, at least they’re all on-key and can actually sing (congratulations, you’ve achieved the bare minimum!), but this kind of singing is inherently insufferably annoying. There’s something about this format that just makes me want to mute the whole thing until it ends. It feels so smug and self-indulgent. Just pick a lead (or leads), pick the backing singers and stick to that.
So, what else annoys me here? Well, the lyrics. They’re exactly the kind of vaguely inspirational bland crap I’ve come to expect from Meinunger. They say nothing in particular except for something along the lines of “Oh, wouldn’t the world be great if everything was better?”. If I hadn’t known this was made in 2006, I would’ve blamed ChatGPT for this. They have no character, no substance and nothing of value.
But let’s not devalue the instrumental here. It’s also total crap. It’s simple, but not in a good way. It feels unfinished, as if they forgot to add something. In general, it just feels like some bland stock music you hear when YouTube forcibly removes audio from some part of a video. If my life depended on me having to hum a bar of this song, I probably would be dead as I’ve already forgotten it all - and it’s been less than 5 minutes since I heard it. Rewatching it (I hope you all appreciate the kinds of stuff I put myself through for you), I’m just left feeling empty and irritated. The alternation between minor verses and major chorus brings me back into the late 80s ESC where every other song did that.
Basically, this was an absolutely miserable experience, but I’m actually kinda glad this was at the start as it’ll be followed by much better entries (eventually, I’ll have to get through a couple more slogs before that).
To finish this review off, here’s my suggestion on how to improve the lyrics: “If we all hit Ralph Siegel, if we all hit Ralph Siegel / We can make this world a better place”.
The biggest compliment I can give this is that it’s an improvement on the Swiss entry. Ok, this is a bit too harsh - it’s actually a bit of fun. There’s a decently groovy melody here and an alright performance, but it’s far from something I’d ever listen to on my own. Though I wouldn’t necessarily turn it off either, I don’t mind some happy-clappy inoffensive hip-hop. But it’s definitely not something I expect (or want) from Moldova.
I don’t like peace ballads, but marriage ballads aren’t my thing either. At the very least, he and his backing singers sound pretty good together, and it’s a little less cringe-inducing than the Sweiss entry, but I don’t like the religious vibes they give off with the white outfits. There’s a way to do gospel in a way that I enjoy, but this doesn’t really manage to pull it off. Still, I’ll take it over Switzerland any day.
I’m far from a fan of acapella music, but this is nice. While I wouldn’t return to it in my free time, I can appreciate Latvia trying something different. It feels especially fresh after three stale and standard songs that made me feel nothing. I also adore their harmonies, even if the overall result can sound a bit messy at times. Overall, it’s a song I can respect but not love, even if I don’t have a lot to say about it.
Emboldened by the success of their 2005 entry, Norway decided to continue sending entries that are a little out-of-the-box. And, unlike every other Nordic country, they stopped pretending that their language doesn’t exist and sent a song in Norwegian.
And I’m really glad they did, it’s actually really good. Despite not having a lot of build-up, it has a clear sense of direction to it and a great instrumentation. I especially love the bassline here - I really wish it was more prominent. But the strings are also really cool, even if they can sound a bit muddy at times.
It’s also staged really perfectly. It’s definitely the kind of song that calls for a more instrument-focused performance because of its mysterious atmosphere. Having too much dancing would’ve made it worse, though the choreograpy they do have definitely adds to the experience. I especially like the walk they do during the instrumental break.
But it just doesn’t feel catchy enough to succeed. The melody is cool and esoteric but not memorable. It just lacks a good hook for me to get totally addicted to it. And, being performed fifth, that was really its downfall. And the Belarusian commentator agreed with me here and called this entry “reserved”.
Talking about “reserved”, there’s this. I’m honestly in awe at how much lacking this is. It feels so dreary and unenergetic, very unmemorable and kinda uncomfortable. It feels more like a couple drunk aunties singing a song than an established band with a worldwide hit. But I don’t think I can blame them - they were given nothing to work with, as the song is a bland nothingburger. Ideally, I would’ve had them performing Brujeria from last year, which feels a lot more appropriate for them. And the Belarusian commentator agreed with me again, saying that he expected something more energetic, something that would fire up the crowd.
Unlike his last entry, which was rather charming (and came late in a very weak year), this time, he decided to bring a very average and unmemorable piece of Eurodance. Still, I don’t think it deserved last place - not because I love it, but because I dislike other songs way more. This is just inoffensively bland, which is better than actively bad. The Belarussian commentator was a little more positive about this, saying that the performance was clean and that it was a hit on Belarusian radio.
“Now, you’ll see a weird combination: Texas country music and German reservedness” - the Belarusian commentator.
To be fair, it’s alright. As someone who doesn’t like country music, I don’t dislike this. It’s a bit of harmless fun with a pretty good performance. It even has a pretty nice melody. Still, I’m not particularly enchanted by it, simply because this isn’t my kind of music. At least Germany can be proud of bringing a country song I actually enjoy, there’s a first time for everything (and also last time, unless someone sends a good country song to Eurovision in 2025). Still, I’m not going to return to this as, ultimately, the genre just doesn’t interest me, and if I wanted to listen to country music, I would go watch the American Song Contest.
To continue the trend of American-sounding music, it’s Denmark next, and they’re here to give us some pop rock about love. It’s very standard but in a good way. I certainly had fun listening to it - the performers are energetic and charismatic, the music is dancey and bouncy, and it’s just generally a very fun experience. In a way, this would’ve been the perfect way to open the show, it just has opener energy to it. It’s a very decent effort from Denmark, even if I won’t return to it.
Also, this song is clearly a prequel to Johnny from this year’s DMGP. I like to imagine that the Johnny from this song grew up, got wiser and decided to impart his knowledge to the future generation.
This is a very “Eurovision by the numbers” kind of song. It’s very sleek, polished, well-produced and enjoyable. The melody is catchy and energetic, the staging is memorable (if a bit incoherent) with a gimmick a lot of viewers probably wouldn’t expect (unless they watched the semifinal, in which case they would). Dima Bilan has a good vocal performance with a pretty noticeable accent, although that doesn’t bother me. Even if I saw it for the very first time, I would’ve predicted that it would finish in the top 3 - the song just appeals to a wide variety of people - myself included. Yes, I have to admit, I find the song a lot of fun and enjoy revisiting it from time to time.
Surprisingly, even though Russia went back to an internal selection, this choice wasn’t controversial. However, it also went in the traditional haphazard way the previous picks have, and the song was only submitted to the EBU five days before the deadline. Nevertheless, they also managed to produce a good promo video, manufactured singles for distribution, and organised a decently big promotional tour across Europe. According to Dima himself, he really liked all of the songs this year, but his personal favourite was the Greek entry, as well as the entries for Cyprus and Ukraine. He was also very happy with the staging - and, reportedly, came up with the idea of a haunted piano himself - as well as with the rehearsals. In general, it seems like he really enjoyed his time in Athens and said that he didn’t mind losing to Finland as they brought a great show as well, though he’d return to win Eurovision sometime later - not next year, but maybe two or three years later (he clearly kept his promise).
While I don’t mind this qualifying, North Macedonia brought the weakest qualifier for the second year in a row. It just isn’t very fun to me. The lyrics are very repetitive, especially the chorus, and she sounds too muddled in the verses. The melody is alright, though. It’s kind of catchy, but it has one idea that it manages to explore within the first verse/chorus and becomes boring afterwards. I wish Estonia qualified instead.
The unintentionally funny Belarusian commentator also roasted this song a little bit, saying that the chorus is very simplistic and “ninanajna” seems to be along the lines of “lalalala”.
Ok, now we’re talking. This is the first song I actually remember from 2006, and I loved it on the first listen. It was also a decent radio hit, and I remember it being played for years after this - it’s just the kind of song that always does well on the radio.
But there’s definitely a lot to like about this song. For starters, it’s extremely energetic. There’s just something about it that makes you want to get up and move, dance, or at least wiggle around in your seat. It has this sort of infectiously likeable energy that makes it impossible to resist and ensures that it’s going to get stuck in your head for a while. Also, he’s a damn good singer and manages to do some vocal showcasing without coming off as annoying, which is definitely high praise coming from me, someone who hates vocal showboating most of the time.
I recently stumbled on an article from the BBC where they voted and gave their thoughts on the top 10 entries, and when it came to this entry, they said that it’s “the most contemporary offering in the contest” and I definitely agree with that. It really does sound like 2006 music, more than any other entry. And while it definitely worked to its advantage back then, it sounds a little bit stale these days. Not that I mind this. I really enjoy the way 2000s music sounds to me, but it’s just a little subjective flaw in an otherwise great song.
On his second attempt, Željko has managed to craft a song I actually really love. So, let’s see how it’s different from Lane Moje and why it works for me while his previous entry doesn’t.
Well, let’s start with the main difference that immediately jumps out to me: the flashiness, as I called it in my 2004 review. This song is a lot less flashy, at least to me. It just feels calmer, more introspective, more reflective. Basically, it’s a lot better at setting its mood than Lane Moje, and I know people will disagree with me here. But whereas I simply regard Lane Moje as a great piece of music, this actually feels like a great piece of art in general.
And that’s all mainly due to the composition. While Lane Moje has a very long intro and then kicks off fairly quickly after it’s finished, this shortens the intro a bit (it’s still almost 30 seconds long though) in exchange for having the understated intro-like feel throughout the first verse. And they also have an instrumental break after the first verse, which also contributes to the wonderfully serent feel it has (while Lane Moje goes into the chorus right away).
Even the pre-chorus is still a lot more minimalistic, even though it’s starting the build-up leading into the chorus. But what adds the final touch of perfection is the final line before the chorus which strips all of that progression back before the chorus really kicks in. All of that makes it going all out incredibly satisfying. And the final long note is a cherry on top that ties it all together for me.
Another thing it has going for it is the staging. This is one of the best cases for having LEDs at the contest, as they allow the delegations to immerse the viewers into their song so much better. The stars scattered around the arena that’s been plunged into darkness with the projector lights highlighting only the performers, making it stand out so much more from every other song with bright lights and overly complicated performances. The lights only turn on for the final long note, which makes it really… shine (still not sorry for my puns btw).
But still, while this is a great piece of music that actually makes me feel things, it isn’t as magical for me as it is for a lot of other people. I wonder if that’s because it uses instruments and sounds I’m already familiar with from our folk music. This gives it a comfortable sound, like something I’ve already heard before (ok, I have heard it before, but you know what I mean). Now, that elevates it in its own way, but it could be why I can’t fully embrace it.
“A bit of light-hearted musical hooliganism never goes amiss” - the Belarusian commentator (I wish he wasn’t a one-off). And it’s hard to disagree with him here: this is a joke entry done right. Sure, they don’t really have a great song (or, let’s be honest, a song at all), but they make up for it with a very likeable and charismatic performance. In a way, this is anti-Congratulations, as Silvia Night had a song coupled with a performance designed to irritate you.
But I think it’s a lot of fun and this contest definitely has a place for songs like this. It especially contrasts against the very serious entry it preceded, but I definitely wouldn’t say it in a bad way, even if I wish their positions were swapped so that Lejla would act as a magnificent buffer between this and a much worse joke entry that I’m about to dive in.
If songs were food, this would be the half-digested vomit you see in your toilet after you get food poisoning. And by that, I mean that it vaguely resembles music, just like vomit vaguely resembles food, which makes it even worse. I can barely find any redeeming qualities here, and I’ve already spent my rant energy on Switzerland. But I’ll briefly cover the bad parts and the single redeeming quality I actually could find.
First of all, the melody is so bland and boring. There’s no movement, no progression and no changes of any kind. And I know that hip-hop isn’t exactly famous for that, but there’s still a lot of good hip-hop with really good and interesting melodies. But this definitely isn’t an example of a hip-hop song like that.
Secondly, the lyrics and the performance are just plain cringe. I know they sound like the thoughts of a typical teenager, but them being performed by a middle-aged man makes them go from mildly cringe to totally cringe. It’s honestly difficult to imagine the thought process behind this. The Belarusian commentator theorised that the UK wanted to appeal to teenage viewers, but that clearly failed as the UK finished 19th (undeservedly high, in my opinion).
So, what’s the single redeeming feature that prevents me from putting it tied for last? The backing singers. When they aren’t being drowned out by Daz, I can almost pretend that this is actually a credible song. They definitely have good harmonies with each other, even if they put on an annoying, childlike voice to fit the song’s theme better.
And this man had the gall to yell to vote for the music after his performance. Clearly, Malta didn’t get the memo, as he got 8 points from them.
Before I talk about the song, I want to talk about the behind-the-scenes stuff a little. The 2006 contest was partly filmed in HD, but the HD cut has never been shown - until 2021, that is. The official ESC channel released it a while back, but they did something cool: there are no postcards in that cut, so you can see how the stage is being set up and torn down for every act. I find the speed at which they remove the UK’s props for this entry to be incredible. In fact, I’ll let you judge for yourselves (it starts at 1:12:23 in case the timestamp in the link doesn’t work).
I honestly love this. I love the progression from a slow ballad to a way less reserved rock ballad. It never wastes an opportunity to build up the melody, to push itself forward. Basically, it’s really always a joy to listen to. I also love her performance. She puts her whole soul into it, and I really resonate with it. The minimalistic staging it has also suits it beautifully. But I’m also realising that it’s one of those songs that I like but struggle to explain exactly why. And while it’s always disappointing, I just find it hard to write a lot about this entry.
It’s hard to underestimate how important and influential this entry was and how great of a winner it made. It was this that showed the countries that there was no such thing as a “Eurovision format” song. Every song, no matter how outlandish, how weird or how theoretically unappealing, could stand a chance at not just qualifying for the final but at actually doing well.
But why is that? Why did it win while other rock entries had managed, at best, a lower top-10 result? Well, as with all Eurovision entries, it comes down to two factors: music and performance. So I’m going to analyse both.
First, let’s start with music. For the most part, it’s a fairly standard metal track, maybe on the brighter and lighter side compared to songs I listen to, but it’s still heavy enough to be an actual metal song. Some other metal songs have, in my opinion, compromised too much and made themselves a bit too bright and happy to the point where they didn’t appeal to either metal lovers (for being too bright) or pop lovers (for being too heavy). For example, Germany’s 2023 entry fell into this trap. Which is why it’s nice to see a song that didn’t make that compromise and succeeded.
The most important part of this is, surprisingly, the vocal performance. I know what you’re thinking. That’s a weird thing to say, but it’s just true. In all of the analyses I’ve read, nobody points it out. But Mr Lordi manages to deliver a great growly metal vocal while remaining approachable. A lot of metal songs are heavily unapproachable to casual listeners due to their extremely growly and/or screamy vocals, so it was a good idea to tone them down a little bit. And yes, they did go a little softer than they usually do, which you’ll be able to notice if you listen to some of their other songs.
Also, metal is, surprisingly, well-suited to Eurovision, especially power metal. There’s a reason why there are so many metal covers of schlager songs (examples: one, two, three, four. I believe I’ve made my point now). Even non-covers can sound very schlagery - I’ve already talked about Germany’s 2023 entry being quite schlagery, but there are other bands like Dynazty, Beast in Black and Brothers of Metal (yes, I know they’re super cheesy, I happen to like cheesy music - as long as it’s the right kind of cheesy) whose output has heavy schlager influences (to nobody’s surprise, they’re all Swedes or Finns). As a contest that has had a lot of schlager over the years, Eurovision is uniquely suited for songs that sound like schlager but aren’t actually schlager. In a sense, it’s a way to bridge metal and pop, making it more accessible and palatable to regular people. I know that I, as well as a lot of other people, started our metal journeys with this kind of music.
But it’s not just the vocal performance that made it - it’s also the actual performance. Of course, it’s impossible to deny that the monster costumes are a big part of what pushed them over the winning line - though certainly not the only reason. The performance as a whole is staged to perfection. They were the first ones to use pyro to this extent (Cool Vibes had some sparklers and When Spirits are Calling My Name had some use of pyro, but all of them were minor and ultimately forgettable), which definitely changed the way delegations approach staging. It’s hard to imagine Eurovision without pyro effects these days, it really enhances the songs if used correctly (and I know there are people who are strictly against the whole idea of pyro). And his wings opening during the bridge is just pure awesomeness, I don’t think anyone can ever deny that.
Also, the lyrics are actually very well-written. They might be just a tiny bit cheesy, but, like I said, I like it when songs are the right kind of cheesy. Him singing about “rockening” and the “Arockalypse” is definitely threatening to slide into the “too campy” part of metal for me, but he manages to pull it off due to his charisma. And a lot of metal is about goofing off and having fun, so these lyrics fit those vibes really well.
Here’s a minor nitpick, though: they turned down the backing vocalist compared to the semifinal, which is the second year in a row that happened with my favourite rock song. These performers clearly predicted that I’d be mildly disappointed by that!
In general, I’m really glad this won and not any other song. It definitely opened the gate for more rock songs in Eurovision, which I always appreciate as someone who mostly listens to rock in his free time. And, generally, we all should appreciate genre diversity, even if it means some songs from genres we aren’t big fans of end up taking part.
Of all our representatives in Eurovision, Tina Karol is the one I always forget. She just isn’t someone I associate with Eurovision at all, as she’s gone to do other things almost immediately after, put out an album that’s gone platinum, hosted our version of Dancing with the Stars, starred in a couple films, and basically made sure to take as much advantage of her Eurovision participation as possible.
The song is also a bit far from the style I personally associate her with. It’s very uncomplicated and repetitive but in the right way. It was designed to just radiate energy and fun, and it succeeds at that without a doubt. But that also makes it hard to analyse beyond saying, “Yeah, I like it”, so that’s what I’ll do. I’ll just say that I like it, the performance suits it perfectly, but it’s a bit too repetitive and musically static for me to revisit regularly. Still, it’s the perfect palate cleanser after Finland, and I’m really glad we sent this.
Personally, I prefer some of her other songs, like the lead song from her 2007 album: Polyus prityazheniya, or some of her later songs like Ne doshch, Nizhno or Vil’na (a duet with Julia Sanina, who was one of the hosts of Eurovision 2023, among other things). All of these songs are very different from this entry, which probably contributes to me forgetting about her being in Eurovision.
I’m of two minds about this entry. On one hand, it has a very lovely, mellow instrumentation with a cello and a guitar, which is a very unusual combo for a ballad. It definitely tickles some parts of my brain in a pleasant way.
But I don’t think her singing fits this too much. It’s just a bit too plain for my tastes, and she alternates between being too quiet and too loud. She drifts off-key a little bit at times as well, which is very noticeable in a song like this.
I feel like I want to like this more than I actually do, it definitely had the potential to score a little better. Maybe some tweaks to staging would improve it - though I definitely think that not having any backing singers or dancers was the right idea, though, they wouldn’t add anything to this performance.
Also, the Belarusian commentator was right when he said that France definitely has their Big 4 status in mind when they select an entry, as a lot of their songs don’t fit the “Eurovision format” and don’t seem to be designed to score well, just to show off French music. Luckily, they’ll start becoming more competitive in the late 2010s and especially the 2020s.
Now this is proper fun. After slowly building up the ethnic sound, they decided to just drop all pretenses of accessibility for Western audiences and sent a true Slavic banger. It’s properly folky and sounds like something you’d hear at a festival. And honestly, there’s definitely a place for a song like this at Eurovision.
However, I have one nitpick here: her dress. It really doesn’t fit the performance and especially her backing dancers. She should’ve dressed in something more traditional, with less pink and frills. But it’s really good otherwise and I often come back to it because it’s so fun.
I have to admit, I really enjoy this. This year had very few honest, dialled-back, uncomplicated and down-to-earth ballads, so this really scratches an itch for me. There’s no better way to unwind and have a breather than with this very real and heartfelt performance. You can really see that he wrote and composed it himself since he really feels every note.
My only nitpick is the way the beat kicks in close to the end. It just feels so abrupt and sudden and really kills the atmosphere and makes it feel cheaper and tackier. Personally, I would’ve removed it altogether. Still, I’m really glad it qualified to give us a little breather before the final stretch of energetic songs.
The problem with this song is that it’s really hard to dislike. It’s polished, sleek, produced well and performed pretty well too. But it just isn’t a lot of fun. Everything about this feels fake and plasticky and quite cheap as well, despite being very sleek. Even a schlager enjoyer like me doesn’t really like this. I’d much rather be watching Night of Passion instead (everyone who knows me just felt at peace as this is a very “me” choice). Still, Carola is the best part of this performance, without a doubt. She still has that exuberant energy that makes me enjoy this a little more, even if she’s too shouty for most of the performance.
Since the 2006 rules didn’t have anything against changing the performance between the semifinal and the final, the Turkish delegation decided to do it. While the song was performed entirely in Turkish in the semifinal, they decided to change one of the choruses into English in the final. This pissed off the EBU, and every contest had a rule that specified that the performances in the semifinal and the final must be identical. This messed stuff up for Hungary in 2013, but let’s not run ahead of ourselves.
I actually kinda like this - though with a few big and bold “but"s. The instrumental is really good - very disco, very retro and very memorable. I especially like the instrumental break. But I don’t like that this instrumental break is wasted on a spoken word section, which completely kills the flow for me. Also, her vocal performance definitely leaves a lot to be desired, even if I kinda like it (granted, I didn’t mind the vocals of the German entry in 2005 either, so I’m not a good judge of that).
On the whole, it’s an entry I like more than I dislike by a fairly healthy margin, but the flaws prevent me from fully embracing it. But I’ll give her props for composing and writing it herself, that’s for sure.
Not only is this the perfect debut entry, but it’s also the perfect closer. Armenia decided to enter with a bang. It’s the kind of “hello, bitches! It’s me!” entrance, and I just love them for that.
Just as with a lot of other ethnobops, I really love the instrumentation here. They promised that there would be six traditional Armenian instruments in the song (according to the Russian commentators in the semifinal), and they definitely delivered on that. The whole song is just progression heaven, and if you know anything about me, you know that this is what makes a song for me.
Even the intro already promises you a lot. Granted, the first verse is a bit meh for me and doesn’t deliver on the promise, but I’m willing to let it slide. From the point that the beat kicks in just before the first chorus, the song is impeccably catchy. What I love most is that every section sounds different. Every chorus changes the instrumentation enough to sound fresh and new, which makes my brain go all crazy (in a good way). All that is done while the verses keep becoming better, more energetic and more elaborate, which keeps drawing me in. I even love the key change at the end of a great instrumental bridge, that’s pretty much the golden standard for key changes (to be honest, I didn’t know there was a key change here until I read Cookiefonster’s blog - I’m bad at identifying ones that aren’t immediately obvious).
I also love the staging. Sure, it’s a little overstaged, but in an interesting and enjoyable way. The antics with the ribbons totally remind me of Everyway That I Can - and I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that the Armenian delegation had taken some inspiration from that. Though it’s presented in a distinct enough way that I don’t care - they clearly put in a lot of their own creativity and effort here. It also helps to distract me from the totally inane lyrics - though his singing is totally incomprehensible, which means I can’t understand him anyway. And it isn’t like I care about lyrics all that much anyway, so I’ll let it slide as I usually do.
All in all, thank you, Armenia, for being able to both fire me up for the semifinal and keep me in very high spirits after the end with this absolute banger.
This year was a bit of a mixed bag for me. The first halves of both the semifinal and the final were very boring for the most part, with one or two bops scattered around. But the second halves of both were totally amazing (I’m going to use this adjective in honour of the very American female host this year). Still, I prefer a year having good stuff bunched up towards the end than at the start, since it leaves me in high spirits after the show ends.
To circle back to the hosts, I didn’t like them very much. By themselves, they weren’t all that bad, but they had zero chemistry together. It felt like they both tried to outcompete each other for the spotlight instead of working together. Still, their appearances were mostly brief - apart from the voting, of course - which means I’m not really annoyed by them.
Nana Mouskouri opened the voting in the final - because we’re still doing that - while the Belarusian commentator very graciously talked about his country’s non-qualification, saying the following: “While it’s disappointing that we didn’t get to see Belarus in the final this year, let’s not dwell on our failure - we just need to make the necessary conclusions for next year, which will have a Eurovison with a new performer and a new song”.
While the voting was going on, Helena Paparizou performed another song, which was pretty enjoyable - it definitely served its purpose of filling in the time allocated for us to send in our votes. This was followed by a cool interval act showcasing the evolution of Greek song, very logically titled “4000 Years of Greek Song”, even though it also had a lot of dancing. This is exactly what I like about this journey over first-time host countries - they get to showcase their own culture in fun and exciting ways.
After Little Svante had given the green light for the voting, as well as a quick info dump of the changes in the voting system - which the Belarusian commentator helpfully translated - it was time to begin the voting. As I remember most spokespeople being utterly infuriating, I thought that I’d just skip around to hear what the Belarusian commentator has to say about some of them. The change to presenting only the eight, ten and twelve points definitely allowed them to reduce the length of the voting in half, but also let the more annoying spokespeople have more time in the spotlight.
In the end, I actually ended up watching most of it anyway since he made it fairly entertaining. He cheered for every former USSR republic getting points, laughed a bit when the Nordic countries gave points to each other, and was very confused by 12p from Malta to Switzerland (but we all know that’s all because of a diaspora singer). When the Dutch spokesperson came up, he sounded a bit exasperated but still in good humour - and he complimented Sakis on handling it well. In general, he kept up a good, positive atmosphere, pointing out neighbourly voting in a light-hearted way, not a mean and annoying manner like Terry Wogan.
This all makes me sad that Denis Dudinskiy - that’s his name - will never return to do commentary for Belarus after that. He made this year a lot more fun to watch and I’m glad I stumbled upon this commentary. He was very happy about Finland winning, Russia being second and everything in general. It really shows the difference a positive atmosphere makes because I remember enjoying it this year a lot less when I watched it with Terry Wogan’s commentary.
So, all that’s left for me to say is see you in Helsinki for the 2007 contest as Eurovision finally takes a leap into HD. But it won’t come out for a while as I’m going to be travelling to see some of my internet friends and then I’ll be visiting my mum, who lives in a different country. So, I won’t be making any promises on the release date.
I’m sure you all expected me to choose the wonderful metal song from Finland this year, but the Armenian ethnobop finally conquered my heart.